Thursday, April 19, 2007

~PuiSi-Malam~

Kurogoh tanganku kedalam kantong celana gunung....hhff, kulihat beberapa kucelan uang seribuan serta sanak saudaranya beberapa koin 500, 200, dan 100-an. Kere sekali aku, canda sang jiwa. Namun, Langkah ini kuteruskan melaju mengejar cahaya malam yang kian hari kian pudar. Search engine-ku bekerja tak ada hentinya, beberapa folder dalam pikiranku terus kubongkar dan terus mencari karena jika tidak cahaya malam itu akan semakin pudar. Yah..aku butuh sebuah kata-kata...hanya itu.

Mungkin untuk menguatkan barang sejenak langkah kaki yang semakin tertatih ini...pandangan yang semakin luntur...harapan yang enggan melahirkan keoptimisan. Mmmh, mungkin mereka masih bergelantungan dilangit...tak pernah melirik...mereka hanya memberi isyarat tarian yang abstrak sekali, aku tak mengerti bahasa mereka. Tapi aku yakin mereka mengerti apa-apa yang aku ucapkan. aku lelah juga ternyata...


Aku hanya punya kata-kata yang lama dan usang.

Search engine-ku sudah payah sekali rupanya. Kata-kata yang aku miliki telah kadaluarsa…walaupun aku memiliki keyakinan yang kuat namun tidak demikian dengan manfaat yang tercipta. " kata-kata adalah sihir "…ya ya ya aku tahu itu…seperti sang kakek tua yang mengucapkan : "If you can dream it, you can do it " dan akhirnya kita mengikuti dengan lantang…Yap, I Can Do It..!!!. aku masih tetap berjalan, sembari menikmati beberapa tampilan dan aroma yang mampir di pipa penciuman. Mmh, baunya seperti aroma kehidupan yang aku jalani sekarang ini...gelak tawa seonggak mayat-mayat yang berlalu-lalang, pantulan jingga neon box disudut tempat fotokopian, lukisan asap sate yang yang menggores udara, rentetan nyanyian klakson, dan beberapa senyuman liar yang tertangkap...uggh, semua itu menemani langkah malam ini...

Rame, sesak, padat, setidaknya itu yang terlihat di pandangan hati, yah, mungkin itu kusebut las vegas-nya kampus. Seperti inilah relief suasana malam minggu dijalan bara style. Tempat orang mencari makan, mencari teman, tempat sebagian orang janjian untuk kemudian entah pergi kemana...atau hanya sekedar duduk tanpa ada kejelasan...bagiku, bara style adalah tempat mencari inspirasi. Kenapa ya kata-kata ini sering sekali aku ucapkan...???


Waktu terus melangkah jauh terasa semakin gelap...Malam...yah 'pakaian' inilah yang sering sekali digunakan bagi orang yang kelelahan setelah seharian bekerja...tapi tidak untuk bagiku...malam ini begitu terasa tidak mengenal diriku...padahal beberapa waktu yang lalu kita sempat berdialog...kita sempat melantunkan beberapa lirik nada…


Heningnya suasana maya
Ketenangan malam mendamaikan jiwa
Bukti kebesarannya yang Esa
Yang maha Kuasa...
Malam yang menggantikan siang, menepati waktunya...
Malam membawa kegelapan, selimuti alam semesta...
bersyukur atas rahmatNya, pencipta segala ya Allah...Penentu segala...
Malam Bagaikan ada tersimpan sejuta rahasia
Malam dihiasi bintang-bintang keindahan tiada taranya
Dia satu-satunya penggerak segala, pentakbir alam semesta
Segala yang ada adalah milikNya....Tuhan alam semesta...

Goresannya kasar sekali…entah yang keberapa kali aku mencoba untuk menerjemahkan...tapi rasanya memang malam ini tidak mengenalku...biarlah aku langgar fitrah ini untuk menerobos keasingan yang menerpa...padahal aku sangat tahu sekali pada Manuscript suci itu tertulis 'Allah jadikan malam untuk kamu agar kamu dapat beristirahat...' kurang lebih seperti itulah pesan yang tertulis...Aku melihat banyak sekali debu beterbangan, duri-duri yang berserakan, rasa dingin udara terasa tajam sekali...tak ada bintang apalagi sang rembulan...malam ini serasa malam yang mati...mati dalam keriuhan...


Seluruh catatan yang tertulis bukanlah selembar agenda kosong...namun kadaannya sekarang terbalik....aku tidak lagi merasa seperti yang telah aku janjikan terhadap diri ini...segelanya itu pasti berbatas. Pasti juga segalanya punya waktu. Masa depan bagi ku masih teramat gelap, hal ini masih saja sama seperti waktu itu. Langit mengirim awan kelam beserta sambaran kilat yang memekakkan pandangan mata ini, membutakan pendengaran ini...menyilaukan hati dalam merasa.

Mmmh, sudahlah...apa gunanya bermain dengan kata-kata...toh, kata-kata itu suatu saat bukan milik siapa-siapa...namun aku senang dengan yang aku terima sekarang...Ya Allah segala nikmat-Mu setiap hari aku terima...jadikanlah hamba-Mu ini menjadi hamba yang pandai bersyukur terhadap segala yang telah Engkau beri.

Aku masih ingat dan tak akan pernah lupa terhadap apa yang telah aku Azzamkan dalam hati ini. Hanya saja pelaksanaannya banyak sekali hambatan. Hingga sekarang aku belum juga menemukan pekerjaan yang mumpuni...sekarang aku bergerak di wilayah ketidakpastian...wilayah yang mungkin sebagian orang akan merasakan sangat tidak nyaman sekali...

Entahlah, takdir apa yang Allah tetapkan terhadap apa yang aku lakukan sekarang....
Tidak salahkan jika aku mengimpikan menjadi orang kaya...??? paling tidak impianku tercapailah saat ini...aku menjadi pemimpin dalam usaha yang sedang dalam proses pertumbuhan ini. Lagi-lagi biarlah waktu yang akan berbicara...kita perlu memang untuk berdikusi dengan waktu..

'Dalam hidup ada kehidupan. Kalau ingin benar-benar hidup dalam kehidupan ini, maka hidupkanlah kehidupan dalam diri kita.'

Entahlah, ini kata-kata milik siapa...tapi terasa ada kandungan energi positif yang memang harus digali...kaki ini masih terus berjalan...begitu juga dengan tangan ini...kulihat mobile pHone-ku sudah menunjukkan pukul setengah 2 pagi...mmh, bagiku suasana ini masih malam...pernah suatu ketika kita berdikusi tentang makna kehidupan....hingga malam bertanya padaku...'Menurutmu kebahagian itu sebuah pilihan atau keputusan...?' bahagia itu ada dalam jiwa, bahagia itu ketika kita bisa memberi dengan tulus, bahagia itu melihat orang yang kita sayangi bahagia, bahagia itu ketika apa yang kita lakukan hanya untuk Allah dan RasulNya yang menghantarkan ke Syurga...begitu yang aku dengar dari perkataan sahabatku...tapi kebahagian itu pilihan atau keputusan....???

Aku belum bisa menjawabnya...hingga malam itu pergi...

Hidup tidak hanya hidup tapi hiduplah untuk sebuah kehidupan....ya ya ya...sekarang aku berdiri dipersimpangan pandangan...hanya sebuah doa yang aku ucapkan untuk menyelesaikan semua urusan ini....

Dimalam yang sepi
Disaat yang sunyi kupanjatkan doa kepada Illahi
Dimalam yang sepi
Dimalam yang sunyi yang kulepaskan syukur kepada Illahi
Dimalam yang sepi
Kupasrah...kepada Illahi...

Midnight...
Moga esok'kan lebih baik...

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